I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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