it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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