So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
