I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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