so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize