I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
