I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you would pick up someone in the library
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize