He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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