Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
