Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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