I think i sorta joined a cult last night
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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