i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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