my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
