I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
