i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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