We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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