She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
