The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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