I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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