I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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