I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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