Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
