You just made me feel so damn special
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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