Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
