Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
