Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
