I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
