Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
