Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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