He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
