so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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