after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
