I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
