he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
