I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
