oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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