Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
