You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
vagina is talking i cant
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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