who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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