peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
