His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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