you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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