After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
