You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize