apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
