I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
