I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
