so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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