i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
