I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
