I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
