My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
