You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
