dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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