I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize