Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm having to shit out rocks
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
