Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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