if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize