I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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