Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
