it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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