Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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