so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
