Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
