I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
