dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
