I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
