I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
