i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
