people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
