I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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