Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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