We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
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