Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
