i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
