STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
