So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
