i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
