I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
