pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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