I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My vagina is officially offended.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
