you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
we're so committed to being not committed
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