I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
