After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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