i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
